Monday, March 9, 2009

More Letters

Dear Clicks Security Man

What the hell? Why are you so resolutely insisting that I allow you to close my bag up with a yellow sticker every time I walk into your store? Does it have some sort of force field attached to it that prevents me from reaching into either side of the opening or just removing it? If that's the case I think I might be magic because I haven't had a problem with either thus far.

I know you're doing your job and all but if I was a criminal I'd find your security tactics neither threatening or effective.

If I was a cross dresser I wouldn't have paid for lipstick and other assorted make up products for years, you're lucky I can't walk in heels.

Thanks

Tom



Dear Julius Malema

I'm not going to head off on your average diatribe about how you're a complete douchebag or how undereducated you are. We both know that harping on about that for hours would be like trying to convince the America that Barrack Obama is black.

I would like to point out to you however that you implicated your own political party in corruption this weekend at a rally held in Kwazulu Natal. I'm not sure you understand this but when you tell thousands of people that the chief members of COPE were guilty of profiting from the arms deal as ANC executives before they left to start their own party you are actually admitting that the ANC had some dodgy dealings back then.

Now might I commend you for doing such a great job in chasing anyone with half a brain into the arms of the likes of the DA, COPE and IFP. You deserve a medal of sorts, you know, the kind your woodwork teacher always gave to the smart kids.

Best

Tom



Dear Helen Zille

Congratulations! You've successfully moulded the DA into a walking Frankenstein of a political party. By taking what you figured to be the best parts of liberal democrats, pre democracy ANC and British Parliament you've managed to sew together a party that cannot think for itself and exists solely to point fingers at the ANC and say "Nuh Uh!".

No, you can't have my vote.

I still think you're a saucy little minx though.

Hugs

Tom

10 comments:

chris.roodt said...

Ewww! GodZille a saucy minx? Please tell me that was intended as a humorous punchline.

(for some reason Blogger wouldn't accept my OpenID)

Tay said...

Whaa haa haa! Nice post :-)

Tamara said...

Loved these letters. Would pay to see the security dude's face if you waltzed into Clicks in stripper heels ;-)

~Sheila~ said...

I am thinking about writing a letter to Cricket phone. I'm not happy with their protocal used for connecting our cell phones.

Asphodel said...

Hmm looks like I gotta google Helen Zille then.............

Glugster said...

If only everyone would heed your letters. Life would be so much better.

The Spear said...

Excellent!

angel said...

A "saucy minx"? I had to read that twice to see who you were talking about!!
And Malema is always good for a giggle...

Paula said...

lol.

Dr Helen Zille,

Following Tom's thoughts I must add that I will not be voting for you simply because your radio ad is taped over my favourite song. Thus destroying any hope of a vote you had. Grrr.

Much... well, I feel nothing for you now.

Paula

Miss T said...

hilarious post! Love the letter to Clicks...too right