Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Interview a'la Expat

I was reading "That damn expat"s blog the other day when I saw that she'd come accross a fantastic bloggy idea wherebye your readers ask you to interview them and you e mail them five questions that they have to answer.

I figured what the heck and I commented asking her to interview me, and she did!

Ok so it works both ways. if you want me to interview you just reply to this post by commentin 'Interview Me' and I'll do just that!

Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Question 1:
I've never been to South Africa but am planning a trip for the World Cup. Introduce me to your country.

Great I can't wait for you to get here! I think a lot of people are coming through in 2010. It's a very exciting moment for us and we've been working like busy bees for the past 3 years to build transport systems, new roads, stadiums etc. There's definately a LOT of buzz about the Soccer World Cup.

Anyways.. South Africa is democratic, muli-racial country of approximately 49 million people. It's situated on the Southern most tip of Africa underneath Zimbabwe, Botswana and Namibia and has about 8 different eco systems.

We have 11 official languages, 9 provinces and 5 major cities. I live in Johannesburg which is the administrative capital of the country. It's right smack bang in the middle of the country in the Gauteng province which is by far the smallest and ironically has the largest population.

As a country we're the biggest economy in Africa, we have the strongest currency (the Rand) and we have several large business focuses including Tourism, Manufacturing, Agriculture etc. In fact, many of the cars you all drive and much of the fruit you eat comes from us!

Other notables include Rhinos, Cape Town, Charlize Theron,Lions, Rugby World Cup Champions, Cheetahs, Leopards, Giraffes, Great White Sharks, Elephants, Nelson Mandela, Biltong, Braais, Pap, Poitjie Kos, Elke en ander talle (other languages, I speak Afrikaans too), Johnny Cleg, , Arnold Vosloo, Melk Tart, All Gold Tomato Sauce, Nando's and the best beaches you've ever seen.

Come visit!

We're awesome.

Question 2:
Congratulations on graduating! (Yes, I do read your blog.) If you could go back four years, would you change anything?

Thank you! It's really nice to know that someone reads what I write considering I've only been blogging for 2 months and I'm kinda lazy.

When I went to university I really had no idea what I wanted to do. I still don't. In hindsight I would have taken a year off after school to travel and get stuck into real life so that I would have had a better idea of what it's all about. I think a stint as a telemarketer or a shop assistant would have done me some good.

I love English and I'm glad I studied it but the problem is that it doesn't really have a lot of practical application. There isn't really a lot of money in writing or copywriting and while money's not everything, it's still nice to have.

One thing I wish I had studied and hope I may still study one day is law. I think I'd make a mean advocate.

Question 3:
I see you love music. Tell me one thing about music that you personally love the most.

I've been playing in some band or another since I was 12. It was always something I loved to do whenever I got the chance and I love spending time crafting and creating songs.

Mostly I love the creative element. I always struggle to get things down on paper and write them out but for me writing a song with my friend is generally effortless and void of all pressure.

I'm also a bit of a show off so I love playing live. More so now than ever.

Oh and I LOVE playing my favorite guitar!

Question 4:
I see you are in love. Tell me one thing about your girl that makes her stand out.

Well she can hardly see for one. Without her glasses she lives in a fuzzy, unfocused world and it's pretty cute.

Ok, I guess I'll have to get sloppy...No matter what happens she's always on the look out for other stuff to do, when she finds something she is able to completely lose herself in the possibilities before she's even started something (she was decorating our flat before we had furniture, or a flat). Even though it can really get to me sometimes I think it's pretty funny and it makes me laugh.

She also cooks like a DEMON, oh my word her food is the best.

Question 5:
Why „Unicorns"?

When I joined Blogger I wasn't really sure of what was going on. I chose the first thing that came to my mind for my username and only discovered later that it was kind of wierd.

I read a whole post on why it's cool to date a unicorn a few weeks ago and it's hilarious.
Read it here, Seriously. It's something you should do.

PS: My username used to be Unicorns

There we go, all done! Thanks Expat for the interview, your blog rocks my working and I think it's awesome that we're in a pretty similar time zone. Read her blog if you know what's good for you!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

December Update: I'm back

I haven't really posted much lately. In the past few weeks I've experienced a lack of creativity and an increase in apathy towards writing, leaving me feeling rather blah and shitty.

But I'm back, or at least I think so. Here's an update:

Things are winding down at work now being December and all. Unfortunately I've only been working here since September and haven't managed to accrue an awful lot of leave in that time. While everybody has been jetting off to Kenya, Australia etc I've been staring blankly at my screen trying to figure out how to navigate around Websense so I can read all of your Blogs. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't but nevertheless I just want to say thanks for keeping me entertained with all of your crazy antics!

One of my first published articles was released nationally last week in a magazine called SL. I've been dreaming of being published in that magazine since I was 14 and now it's happened I don't feel much different. I'm beginning to think that writing for magazines isn't really for me, I like it and all, and it's super cool to walk into any store and see the magazines on the rack but it doesn't give me that buzz...Regardless, I'm doing monthly reviews for them now and the other day I picked up a few free CD's to stamp approval onto. One of which was the new Guns 'n Roses album.

Has anyone heard it? What do you think?

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to starting my own events company. I dabbled this year in organising some pretty big rock festivals and all of them were really successful. More than this I frikken LOVED organising it all. It's so exciting. Rock shows aren't real money makers however and if I'm going to start a business then I need to change the business plan to incorporate something that will. Any ideas?

Yesterday was the lady and me's anniversary. It was also a public holiday which meant we got to spend the whole day together. After her parents, her sister and said sister’s boyfriend came over to see our new flat we did a bit of Christmas shopping (mistake), grabbed a bite to eat and drove home. We swam and tanned at the complex pool, I went to gym and then we sat around wallowing in complete boredom for an hour or so.

Eventually I made the fantastic suggestion to go to the casino down the road and play the cheapest slots we could find with R100 ($10). I managed to lose my half but my enormously lucky heroine girlfriend won us about $20 and we went for a meal at a gourmet burger restaurant on the casinos cash! It might seem silly but it was frikken great. I had the biggest Cheese Burger I'd ever seen and finished it all. The chef was impressed.

Oh, oh and we got a couch! It's an L shape and it's really very comfortable. Watching TV on that old sleeper couch of mine that barely fit one of us, let alone two was getting kind of old....

Monday, December 8, 2008

Please consider me when you reverse

Some people drive well, some people don't drive so well.

In South Africa we don't really have much of an infrastructure when it comes to public transport, (in part because the distances are quite considerable). It is because of this that most people have a car and drive regularly.

I like to think I'm pretty sweet at steering my one and a half ton silver VW in the right direction. heck, this morning I parallell parked in one smooth, debonairish movement. I felt like James Bond. I am awesome at driving.

When I'm reversing out of a parking spot I usually look where I'm going before putting the car into gear. It seems common knowledge (and sense) to check that there are no vehiculars driving in your general direction before you drive that way. Am I wrong?

Why then, everytime I come back to work from buying Green Tea and an Energy Bar, does every single lebanese grandmother (I work down the road from a lebanese catholic church) have to pull out a little before she looks where she's going? it's kind of frustrating and it scares the shit out of me.

Damn you lebanese grandmothers of the world and your 4x4 utility offroad all terrain vehicles that you've never taken off the tarmac.

The lebanese are pretty of hardass/badcore in these parts, I hope they don't read this.....

Friday, November 28, 2008

I'll be thinking of those unfortunate souls stuck in the northern hemisphere when I'm roasting alive this weekend!

It took me an hour to drive 10 km's (about 4 miles for American readers) this morning. For some reason traffic this week has been horrendous. I left late last night hoping that it would make a difference, but alas no. Lionel Ritchie was in concert about 4km's from my house and everybody was qued up to get some parking. This might not have been so bad if the loyal Mr Ritchie supporters hadn't mixed themselves into the already frustrating rush hour traffic, but they did and we all suffered.

To make matters worse, my CD player has been on the Frtiz lately. This meant that all I had to listen to was the radio. It's amazing that each of the 6 stations I have saved manage to bore me to tears with mindless repitition and bad DJ's. At least I'm very up to date with current affairs (Thank 702 news for the quarter hour news reports).

Anyhow. I'm stoked today because I'm leaving work at 2 to go to this festival. We'll (all my friendly friends) all be camping out together, drinking to much and taking regular puffs from my awesome Cobra shaped hubly. What's more is that I'll also be playing at this festival on saturday afternoon on the main stage. Hooray, we haven't had a gig in about a month so it should be good. I'm buying some wellington boots and some rugby shorts and I'm going to play in that I think. South African summers are HOT.

I'll also be writing about the festival for Funk Magazine which is going to be wicked!

So it's going to be a great weekend. I hope ya'll have a fantastic one and I'll keep you in mind when I'm in the sweltering summer sun. Enjoy the snow!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Psuedo feminism boils me blood

Take a look at this crap:

If I were a boyEven just for a dayI’d roll outta bed in the morningAnd throw on what I wanted then goDrink beer with the guysAnd chase after girlsI’d kick it with who I watedAnd I’d never get confronted for it.Cause they’d stick up for me.

If I were a boyI think I could understandHow it feels to love a girlI swear I’d be a better man.I’d listen to herCause I know how it hurtsWhen you lose the one you wantedCause he’s taken you for grantedAnd everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boyI could turn off my phoneTell evveryone it’s brokenSo they’d think that I was sleepin’ aloneI’d put myself firstAnd make the rules as I goCause I know that she’d be faithfulWaitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

It’s a little too late for you to come backSay its just a mistakeThink I’d forgive you like thatIf you thought I would wait for youYou thought wrong

But you’re just a boyYou don’t understandYeah you don’t understandHow it feels to love a girl somedayYou wish you were a better manYou don’t listen to herYou don’t care how it hurtsUntil you lose the one you wantedCause you’ve taken her for grantedAnd everything you have got destroyedBut you’re just a boy

Um, screw you Beyonce and the 'independant woman' that wrote this song.

If you're so Goddamn awesome then why waste your time bitching about a suposedly typical male role within society? If I had to record a hit song about female stereotypes - ala "My Girlfriend never stops bitching at me, all she wants is my money, I wish she'd grow a personality rather than subscribe to the 'Im just an innocent, viginal and naive cheerleader " then I'd be assaulted by feminine activists and accused of being a chauvenistic,partiarchal asshole.

If we're really as equal as you say we are then how about you stop bitching about the differences that you incessantly highlight. Woman aren't stronger/smarter/quicker than men. We each have our genetic ticks and crosses.

Jesus Christ, I'm tired of reading watered down pro woman articles that list all the reasons why guys are inferior. You've all engineered the roles you hate for yourself, not us.

Good God, please please please just stop fucking whining.

If burning my eyes out with a hot iron and plugging my ears with steel are the only ways for me to escape your pseudo feministic justification of the places you inhabit within society then so be it.

Can you tell I'm angry?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Where are all the dudes?

Seriously. I love blogs like this times a ton but sometimes I get tired of reading about shoes and bags and gossip girl. Where are all the dudes on here? I'm beginning to feel like my masculinity is melting away, leaving me a dried out husk of a man.

Who's writing about sport and TV's and appliances and building houses with your bare hands. I want some caveman adventures. If anyone reading this blog knows of a dude like this then drop me the link!


Moving and Other Interesting Things (To Me)


So after a weeks worth of crazy stress we've finally moved in. On the day that we did I also happened to write my last exam for my degree, so now I've officially finished university as well.

It all happened so quickly. One moment I was a student without a job the next a working man with a flat and everything. It's been quite an adjustment and getting used to the fact that I will probably never 'live' with my parents again is scary, because I love them and they're awesome.

On Monday night Nic and Megan came around and we had some Hubbly on one of our balconies which was really nice. It's such a refreshing feeling to know i'm literally a few km's away from my friends and that I can hang out with them whenever I like. Poker will ensue soon I'm sure.

Being able to get to work in only half an hour has been a winner as well. Getting up at about 7:30 and leaving an hour later is so much more relaxing than having to wake up at 6:30 and rush to make sure I'm in the car to sit in traffic for an hour and a half. I think I'm going to like life closer to work a lot more, effectively I'm getting 2 hours a day back to do whatever I like. Wonder!

My lady has also been super great the last couple of days. Shame, she started work yesterday and she was so tired last night, we both went to bed at around 9. I tried to read but I passed out from being sleepy before I finished a page.

I spent about 3 hours putting together the Godforsaken dresser on Monday night. Turns out that the instructions just assumed that if you had performed the action of putting screw NR322 into hole CR12 then you'd independantly divine to do it the next time around with no explanation. It was definately a project for those that are more mechanically inclined than I am but I got it done.

I really want to get an old record players. My parents have some awesome stuff Vinyl back home like The Police and Queen and i think I'm going to get into it. I've heard that on CD everything is compressed to such an extent that it cuts out all the highs and lows of the music which doesn't give you a real feeling of what the band really sounded like. Being the music geek that I am, the promise of hearing some of my favorite albums in a whole new way is too exciting. I'm trawling Gumtree as we speak for the oldest and raddest LP player around.

The TV saving is also going well. If my estimations are correct I should be able to go out and get me a 32" in about a month, which is awesome! Hooray for that. I'm not sure why guys are so obsessed with everything Audio Visual but we just are. In fact, when we arrived on Monday the first room I sorted out was the TV room. Not the kitchen where you eat, or the bedroom where you sleep, but loft..where the TV and my Hi Fi and the Wii and my CD's and my DVD's and the Satelite connection is.

I'm just glad Lee was out at the time.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I Hate Stupid People

I hate stupid people. I dislike them almost as much as I like breathing.

I hate the way they blankly stare at me when I've finished a sentence, almost suggesting that it will and should take 3 to 4 minutes to process what I've just said. Seriously, your brain is not an egg boiling in a kettle somewhere, it's supposed to be the high powered processing tool that conquered nature and put us into space. Please don't let your forefathers down by letting slip the basic tenants of language and interpretation.

When I've finished speaking to you, please don't look at me as if I am rambling away in Japanese. I am not from Osaka. I don't harvest rice in the pouring rain whilst sporting a straw hat. All I'm trying to do is convey to you in the most simple terms what I'm trying to say.

When you give me that blank stare that says "I have the mental capacity of a bobble head doll" it makes me want to write on your face with a blowtorch. It makes be want to open the top of your head and shit in it - just for the charity. After all, that would be an improvement right?

I don't like it when you say stupid things. Making the broad and sweeping statement that America is a racist country the day after their first black President is elected is retarded.

As people I'm sure you're very useful and you have your place in society but that doesn't mean you are qualified to voice your opinions. I don't care if you went to university, I don't care if you have a Doctorate in Microbiology. If you opened a third cellphone contract in order to replace the phones stolen from the last (and currently running) two then there is no other way of looking at it. You need smart people to make decisions for you.

Please deliver yourself to the nearest doctor to have yourself sterilised immeditately, lest you procreate and populate the world with your numbskulled and half witted offspring.

Thank you.

Moving Out

On Monday I'm moving out to my very own flat with my lovely girlfriend. It is in Lonehill.

This flat of mine has one bedroom and two balconies. It is a loft.

We have been buying furniture.

Our L couch arrives in Mid December.

In order not to be evicted I have to pay 'Rent'. This 'Rent' comes from my now stable 'Income' which has arisen as a result of my 'Job' as a copywriter.

This has all made me grow up rather quickly I'm afraid, and I feel kind of old.

One big plus is that I got a Mastercard, which meant I can buy stuff online. My Wes Anderson Box Set arrives in a few days.

Anyone want to give me a TV?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Little Annoyances


There are a lot of things that annoy me, I think I'd make a great candidate for the premature special of 'Grumpy Old Men', may be I would even make the best candidate.

In fact I think even I could teach Bob Geldoff or Jeremy Clarkson a thing or three about finding everything around them pretty contemptible.

1) Myself Three Years Ago:

Seriously? What was I thinking?

I was blessed with an atypical gloomy teenage outlook which was further exasperated by my emo fringe and black clothes. I was selfish, stupid, irresponsible, poor, studenty, annoying and had a disturbing pre occupation with facial hair.

What scares me more is that I'm only starting to realise it now. What will I think of me in ten years time? Will I look back to find memories of a charming, debonair, thoughtful, driven all round good guy? I hope so. No I believe so. Which probably means I'm wrong. Right?

2) Motorbyclists

Given that I've taken crawling in the traffic on a day to day basis, I tend to notice those yellow shirted men a lot more. Oh how they make me want to kill babies when I move over and they don't thank me, next time I'm just going to open my door on them. I swear I will.

Sometimes, when I'm having a pleasant 702 listening session dedicated to the antics of the stock market, a man in a Harley will drive/ride past my silver car. Predictably I will have the window open and predictably the noise of its bastard child tractor engine with hosepipe attached will blow me away so severely that I will no longer be able to hear Mosioua Lekota explaining to the listeners why he left the ANC. This makes me sad, because reaching that space of relaxed relaxation during peak hour traffic is not easy and the onslaught of noise that is such as Satan Machine forces me to restart my 'traffic meditation process', and because I like Mosioua Lekota.

3) Philosophy
It's not philosophy as a subject that I have anything against. No. It's given me words like 'empirical' and 'hegemonic' to use in everyday conversation. This seems to impress people to which I generally have nothing to say and that's just wonderful.

No, it's not philosophy that's the problem. It's the philosophers.

To be a philosopher, as a rule, it seems as though you have to conjugate word groupings in such a way that even an English graduate (almost me) doesn't understand what's going on. These men and women are not purveyors of insight but rather word trapeze artists.

They make my brain ache so hard with upsettness and that makes me sad.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

No, I don't know what I'm doing.

What is a blog?

I have no idea, I've never had one.

I'm not really sure about what I have to say or write. I guess I should make intelligent comment, include sardonic wit from time to time and maintain an all-round atmosphere of sarcasm?

Wikipedia told me this:
"A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual [1], with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog."

I think I will use 'blog' as a verb, thank you very much. I'll also try my best to personally maintain the site with regular entries on whatever I feel should be bespoken (I put that in there just to piss you off) about.

I also like Unicorns, Uniclops and Cycorns.

Anyway. This is me, my blog. I'll probably be writing a lot on music and what not, but for now this is who your dealing with.